tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166624262024-03-06T23:36:53.882-05:00Integrate!Your biggest self includes your brain, mind, body and relationships. You are more than you think. At NLP Canada Training, I teach people to use more of themselves to build more results they like.NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.comBlogger950125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-26068801192463811812022-01-23T11:48:00.000-05:002022-01-23T11:48:05.730-05:00Bet on yourself<p> It's one of the most famous slogans in basketball. "Bet on yourself," says Fred Van Vleet. He's building a whole brand on it, a brand based on hard work and all-round toughness. Bet on yourself. It carries both the connotation of pouring all your efforts into your own success and the recognition that success is never a given. It's a bet.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/2ShDGTABri8" width="320" youtube-src-id="2ShDGTABri8"></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">In <a href="https://www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/books/thinking-in-bets-making-smarter/9780735216372-item.html" target="_blank">Thinking in Bets</a>, Annie Duke explores the idea that most of our decision making is like placing bets because we rarely have all the information we need to guarantee success. <a href="https://medium.com/@aidanhornsby/notes-on-thinking-in-bets-b1c2af6a5791" target="_blank">This is a great summary of the book.</a> The key idea is that we need to separate our decision making process from our results if we want to make better decisions.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">You can get good results from a bad decision and you can get bad results from a good decision. But you can't get consistently good results from consistently bad choices.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">At <a href="https://www.nlpcanada.com/" target="_blank">NLP Canada Training</a>, I teach people the skills they need to bet on themselves, to make good choices based on the results they want. They become more accurate observers of what they are feeling and thinking. They can distinguish better between their own instincts and the influence of the people around them. They use good information to make good strategies and they use willpower to implement those strategies.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">They also manage the feelings they have when their good bets don't pay off. Good choices do not guarantee good results. There's an element of risk in every strategy. Betting on yourself means accepting a degree of uncertainty. You won't always win. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">But you will win more often if you have the strength of will to look at what might go wrong and pursue your goals anyway. That strength is not a gift: it's developed through knowledge and conditioning (just like basketball). </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">There are no sure paths to success. But good strategies combined with the mental and emotional strengths to implement them are a sure path to improvement. Betting on yourself starts with developing those strengths.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div>NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-73817555424947887832021-11-14T11:58:00.007-05:002021-11-14T11:59:55.183-05:00How to trust yourself (you don't even know yourself)<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM-YPu5Zqb-D_YT3vPKvPgEhpmcr4Iewe2SKI_zb2HbcmxD0pSly5gnGksEQfKztvDBMvqqXjwBQ3yyJFERhKH3-FrMWONLKycFVMhl25B5dbDvA03Iv9bMjubYThgR1cwRdM-qg/s1728/LookingUp.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1296" data-original-width="1728" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM-YPu5Zqb-D_YT3vPKvPgEhpmcr4Iewe2SKI_zb2HbcmxD0pSly5gnGksEQfKztvDBMvqqXjwBQ3yyJFERhKH3-FrMWONLKycFVMhl25B5dbDvA03Iv9bMjubYThgR1cwRdM-qg/s320/LookingUp.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /> It was a beautiful, sunny afternoon and I'd worked all weekend. So I got up from my computer and went for a long walk. I was looking for stress management through fresh air and exercise. And I was looking for something more.<p></p><p>One important, invisible problem with knowing we have an impact is that we are not really sure who "we" are. We call the part of our mind that makes most of our choice the "unconscious." This is not because it lacks consciousness (it's always wide awake) but because we are not conscious of it within us. How can we trust ourselves when we can't even know ourselves? It's the fundamental insecurity of life as a human.</p><p>And the answer, is that we cannot see or know our unconscious selves, but we can observe their connection to the world around us. You can notice how the things around yous resonate with the things in you. You can develop awareness of how you show up in your relationships with people and with the problems you like to solve and with the problems you resist solving. You can observe your choices as if they were made by someone else (because in a way, many of them are).</p><p>You can own those choices not because you can see all the working pieces (you can't) but because you know yourself to be part of what makes choice possible and what makes choice matter. You can choose to participate with the unconscious patterns that drive behaviour or you can choose to change them. When you change them, you don't just change you. You change all those thousand invisible ties that connect you to other people and to the world around you.</p><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://poets.org/poem/who-has-seen-wind" target="_blank">As the poet, Christina Rossetti, observed of the wind:</a></div><div style="text-align: left;">Who has seen the wind? </div><div style="text-align: left;">Neither you nor I. <br />But when the trees bow down their heads, <br />The wind is passing by. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The wind has often been a metaphor for spirit, the mysterious self outside conscious awareness that changes what we do and what we mean. We are not the first generation to know that we are more than we think. And there is no easy answer to how you live with the impact of the choices you make only half knowing why you are making them.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Trusting yourself is like trusting anyone else. It's not absolute: it changes as you make choices and notice the results. Over time, you earn the benefit of the doubt because you experience enough moments when your conscious mind aligns with both your unconscious self and your impact on the world. It doesn't mean you'll never disagree again: it means you can make choices knowing the relationship will survive them.</div><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p>NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-12615991073245053072021-11-06T09:33:00.001-04:002021-11-06T09:33:36.638-04:00The one choice you can always make<p>What do you get to choose?</p><p>It's too easy to say that you cannot choose what happens to you, but you can choose how you respond. That turns choice into a consolation prize. We think we "have to" choose instead of we "can choose!"</p><p>We get to choose our actions and reactions without being fully aware of how they will make change in the world. That sounds dangerous, and it is. But it is also the seed of optimism. No matter what happens to us and around us, there are choices we can make. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUlR4w34xHC_uh72VDsfvzUlckz3GtUQNeNjZcxosXGbOin7HKlryWe4lrE2zL1x5fdBw4hqbDL-PdoN1eMVdOBHq5MuNQVmpZBgS7_4GfP1k7t06rPzlwq6e0NAw7aShFYPu-Dg/s1334/14e522bf-d3a3-42e6-a7c4-3246680b1012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="1334" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUlR4w34xHC_uh72VDsfvzUlckz3GtUQNeNjZcxosXGbOin7HKlryWe4lrE2zL1x5fdBw4hqbDL-PdoN1eMVdOBHq5MuNQVmpZBgS7_4GfP1k7t06rPzlwq6e0NAw7aShFYPu-Dg/s320/14e522bf-d3a3-42e6-a7c4-3246680b1012.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p>Identifying the choices that you have the ability and resources to make pushes you to be more self-aware: more aware of the feelings, perceptions, biases, memories and hopes that combine to keep you moving. Self-awareness is fundamental to both feeling better and having better influence on others. When life knocks you down, you look up and say "so what can I do next?" You can change your mind, your communication, your actions. You can begin with an impulse or an inventory.</p><p>The impulse feels better: it's the result of pattern-recognition in your brain. When this happens, respond this way. It's fast. There is no long inner discussion. You move and then you feel more capable of movement. </p><p>If we don't have an impulse, or don't trust it, we need to make a deliberate choice. That always feels hard because our brains like to conserve energy by doing what we've always done. But hard does not mean bad. Hard means opening up a new possibility. </p><p>At the heart of every choice is a single choice: do I wait or do I make change happen? And that choice is always available. You might not be able to change your circumstances directly. You might have to start with making choices about your own values and feelings and responses. But if you can imagine even one person on the planet being in your circumstances and handling them differently (not better, just differently), then you have admitted there is a choice.</p><p>The world is unpredictable, so you don't always know what the consequences of your choices will be (even if that choice is to not make a choice). So your choice will often be this: "Would I rather live in a world where I can value even the small choices I can make in me or would I rather be stuck in a world where nothing I can do will make a difference?" </p><p>We spin when we look outside to ask "what choice do I have?" We gain traction when we look inside and ask instead "what strengths or values can I uncover in myself that will be useful now?"</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-6362453440436471242021-10-23T08:46:00.004-04:002021-10-23T08:46:46.121-04:00A place for us: where do you have your best conversations?<p> Try this thought experiment. Think of three wonderful conversations you have had. You might not remember what you said or even what you heard, but you remember the flow of words and the way you felt. Now look around each of those memories. Where did they happen?</p><p>Now connect the "where" to the "what." Some wonderful conversations are wonderful because they make you feel so close. You feel that you and the other person (or even a group) are sharing a mind and heart. And often those conversations happen in close spaces, spaces where you share so much in your senses that it is easy to share similar thoughts and feelings.</p><p>Other conversations require more space. High ceilings or wide open skies. The room to stretch your legs and create motion. An expanse around you that creates expansiveness in your thoughts.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHjNiztyArBFn_II3wyf330f1yenOapEMk0sgqwBPsnBDk89qTYbWz4R8cOF-0-tgDs30KDx58_aKeFgJEYzRSxgNgm1UKJxtXYf4NRfN81cC9vFXZ86oPzB30AyTND6M0j7Wbqg/s2048/IMG_5228.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHjNiztyArBFn_II3wyf330f1yenOapEMk0sgqwBPsnBDk89qTYbWz4R8cOF-0-tgDs30KDx58_aKeFgJEYzRSxgNgm1UKJxtXYf4NRfN81cC9vFXZ86oPzB30AyTND6M0j7Wbqg/w319-h239/IMG_5228.HEIC" width="319" /></a></div><div><br /></div>People get confused by science. They think that because science is rational, the only way to be practical is to pretend that our bodies are separate from our reasoning. This isn't good science. Good science is increasingly studying the links between how we live in our bodies and how we produce good ideas.<div><br /></div><div>In your own life, it makes sense to do two things: observe as much as possible when things are working well and then attempt to replicate all the conditions in new situations. Before you assume that place cannot influence the way two people connect, experiment. Have more conversations in spaces that have worked for similar kinds of conversations, and then notice the results. </div><div><br /></div><div>If your thoughts are distinct from the spaces where you think, then you are not risking anything by moving. If your thoughts are linked to your surroundings, you will gradually build an inventory of ways to improve conversations by locating them appropriately.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /><p><br /></p></div>NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-346717636531319972021-10-17T04:00:00.018-04:002021-10-17T04:00:00.196-04:00Are you in a good place?<p> Place is such a basic metaphor, that sometimes we forget there is a difference between our physical location and our state of mind. We've all heard that the thing that counts in real estate is "location, location, location." There's a good reason for that.</p><p>According to research described by <a href="https://www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/books/the-extended-mind-the-power/9780544947665-item.html?ikwsec=Books&ikwidx=0#algoliaQueryId=8781b04b758ab318fb92db35153f2c76">Annie Murphy Paul in The Extended Brain</a>, we use our surroundings as a way to prompt our thoughts. When we are out in nature, we think one way and when we are staring at a computer screen, we think another. Although our experience of our thoughts is that they are related to content, often the kind of thoughts we think are also related to context. </p><p>We have a lot of language about place: we have to find our place and know our place (sometimes in that order). While it's hard to change what goes on inside our heads directly, it's easier to change our place. We can get up and move to a new location. We can choose a walk under trees or a quiet, safe den (we name our thinking spaces after the spaces where wild animals go to be safe and rest). It's not hard to move our bodies deliberately so that we are surrounded by different sights, sounds, smells and temperatures. Choosing the right mix will change what we are thinking so that we have different ideas and different feelings about our thoughts.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVqETMQG50UdjTPlhopfWGSOmIMxj5a8yoHvX1qGBcCkSMjSTgWmPelUcKrklVWiWyunthdpqhkzr_67ffQnKfOROJdRWxaawxaxITaM-63ovrhQ-xgcZHoVtcLEYXOCsA-o1uow/s4032/IMG_0230.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVqETMQG50UdjTPlhopfWGSOmIMxj5a8yoHvX1qGBcCkSMjSTgWmPelUcKrklVWiWyunthdpqhkzr_67ffQnKfOROJdRWxaawxaxITaM-63ovrhQ-xgcZHoVtcLEYXOCsA-o1uow/s320/IMG_0230.HEIC" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A place for big thoughts<br /><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p>We can also deliberately shape our places to feed our thoughts. We can choose the things we will see or hear in a place so that we are drawn to certain kinds of focus or so that we have the illusion of movement even while we sit at a keyboard and move only our fingers. We keep some of our memories in things, and those things can prompt us to have the feelings and thoughts appropriate to that memory. In NLP, we call these things anchors because they keep experience safely where we can reach them.</p><p>What do you think is easier: to change or mindset or to change your location? When you choose to get up and move out in nature, you tell yourself that change is possible and that progress is possible and that ceilings can turn into big, big skies. You might even have such a strong experience that you can anchor it to a small object that sits on your desk and prompts a useful change of mindset.</p><p><br /></p>NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-77841622727931971942021-10-15T10:43:00.001-04:002021-10-15T10:43:09.492-04:007 Dimensions of a Life Well Lived<p> When someone asks "What do you really want?" the answer tends to come up in pieces: we think about what we want in one part of our life. It's hard to think about all the parts of our lives at the same time. Yet everything we do in one relationship or project or place affects who we are and how we show up in all the others. It's like a jigsaw puzzle. You hold one perfect piece in your hand but it only works if you can find out how it fits with all the others.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUJy7P7HVrxMXz73G1PzxJWWrLs7sigoD_rE_HXYvT-6H7onPevhVhzDdIsGVR6ikA_QIYJ-Dt-d8FJYbblibjTuB6A-EiRC8lyyPSquIJEz9fEJQT00eXElLK7Wr_N6Ncr_ECkA/s2048/white_and_black_jigsaw_puzzle-scopio-3ac8f2cf-c4e4-41dc-a9eb-4272e0ff2316.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Photo by Lynne Bookey on Scopio" border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUJy7P7HVrxMXz73G1PzxJWWrLs7sigoD_rE_HXYvT-6H7onPevhVhzDdIsGVR6ikA_QIYJ-Dt-d8FJYbblibjTuB6A-EiRC8lyyPSquIJEz9fEJQT00eXElLK7Wr_N6Ncr_ECkA/w240-h320/white_and_black_jigsaw_puzzle-scopio-3ac8f2cf-c4e4-41dc-a9eb-4272e0ff2316.jpg" title="Jigsaw" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><label class="credits-modal-label" id="creditsContent" style="align-items: center; background-color: #d8d8d8; box-sizing: border-box; display: flex; font-family: Barlow, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; height: 38px; margin: 0px 15px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 20px; text-align: start;">Photo by <a href="https://scop.io/collections/vendors?q=Lynne+Bookey" style="background-position: 0px 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: black; cursor: pointer;">Lynne Bookey</a> on <a href="https://scop.io/" style="background-position: 0px 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: black; cursor: pointer;">Scopio</a></label></td></tr></tbody></table><p>We cannot see the whole puzzle of our own lives. It's more than our conscious minds can handle and it's always changing. We are only comfortable thinking in 4 dimensions (height, width, depth and time). But if we use our extended mind (we journal, we connect with others, we create physical spaces as memory aids) we could stretch to 7. And with 7 dimensions, we can begin to see how the pieces come together to form a life well-lived.</p><p>There might, of course, be more than 7. But 7 is "the magic number" identified as the most we are likely to be able to hold in memory at once. And the dimensions I am going to suggest are necessary in a life well lived are these: place, agency, connection, purpose, mastery, health and exploration. We can group them as three that are primarily about living in your own skin and four that are primarily about connecting with the world around you.</p><p>The three that are mostly about you are agency, mastery and health. Having a you depends on managing the physical self in good ways, so most people can see that health matters. Agency and mastery are two sides of the same coin: we want to know what we can actually do, and we like to do things reliably and yet still improve, still get better at what we do. If we can hold onto a sense that we have the ability to take action and the capability to do it well, we feel better about ourselves.</p><p>The four that are primarily about connecting to the world are place, purpose, connection and exploration. All of these acknowledge that life happens somewhere and the way we understand and feel about our circumstances is largely what we try to influence through our goals and actions. For some people, place, purpose and connection are very large and abstract: they include spiritual realities beyond the physical universe. For others, the same dimensions are limited to the physical world. For all people, what we know about our circumstances is limited and we feel a push to know more. That's exploration, whether we do it to feel more secure or to find adventure.</p><p>Over the next few months, I'll be exploring different aspects of these 7 dimensions. We will think together about what they might contain and how they might shape our experience. We will also think about how to make this thinking practical: to change what we do so that we translate more awareness into more action into more satisfaction.</p>NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-28856353169959650322021-06-02T10:16:00.001-04:002021-06-03T21:56:00.272-04:00Something bad happened. What now?<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj3gF1GM7XZ649UtEx28_eSMEIwtdHT0iNYSju3EJ_nBT4rqRO78D5MUbKej1slp4w2S2ALkYgqpp2mknBIk-q6H_YRAIPdoDYd7tZmkkHsU8UTtfzraLKN784gLN0wU6RjQQ0pQ/s2048/white_and_red_lighthouse-scopio-7b9445c6-22ca-4f92-b0ea-d374de03ac5a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj3gF1GM7XZ649UtEx28_eSMEIwtdHT0iNYSju3EJ_nBT4rqRO78D5MUbKej1slp4w2S2ALkYgqpp2mknBIk-q6H_YRAIPdoDYd7tZmkkHsU8UTtfzraLKN784gLN0wU6RjQQ0pQ/s320/white_and_red_lighthouse-scopio-7b9445c6-22ca-4f92-b0ea-d374de03ac5a.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /> When something bad happens, people generally fall into two camps. One camp says: "This bad thing happened. We need an investigation and we need apologies. We need restitution. We need justice." These are all good things but they are mostly attempts to solve a problem that is in the past. This is what grief does. It makes us look back and value what has been lost. They build a lighthouse so others will know where the dangers are.<p></p><p>As we heal from grief, we ask different questions. What's next? This is the response of the second camp. That happened and it's horrible. But now what? What do we want next? They know that a lighthouse isn't enough. You also need a better boat if you want people to travel safely.</p><p>The second camp is the NLP (<a href="https://www.nlpcanada.com" target="_blank">neurolinguistic programming</a>) camp. It believes that the best way forward is to make a mental model of a desirable future. It's not enough to know what you wish had never happened. You have to know what you want to rise from the ashes.</p><p>Many terrible things have happened in the past year. There are two ways to take those seriously. One is to mourn our losses and seek some kind of closure. The other is to say: what does this pain teach us and how do we build something on those values and lessons?</p><p>If small business matters, we need to find a way to restructure our economy so that they are not most at risk the next time we have a public health crisis. We need to protect our communities in the same way that legislation and subsidies have protected big businesses.</p><p>If Black Lives Matter, it's not enough to stop the outrageous injustice. We need to ensure that every black child grows up with the security and resources necessary to thrive and that every black person has the same chance for safety and opportunity as their white peers.</p><p>If Every Child Matters, it's not enough to grieve or rage against terrors in the past. We need clean water and healthy food, safe homes and education for every indigenous child.</p><p>Problems are not solved with values and they are not solved in the abstract. They are solved one situation at a time by asking: what do we want now? And then taking steps to make it happen. We cannot change the past and we cannot improve the future through grief alone. We have to change the future, one action at a time, by defining what we need for health and growth and making that happen.</p>NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-77136238631171122912021-05-16T08:35:00.002-04:002021-05-16T08:35:34.208-04:00Agree to Disagree if you want to get better<p> I suspect that much of what gets written about disagreement gets dismissed as soon as it is read. It's not that readers actively disagree. It's more that their brains feel safer with agreement and so they find ways to resist the suggestion that active difference is essential to getting better.</p><p>If you always do what you've always done, you won't always get what you've always got. The world will change around you and failure to evolve means failure to thrive. You need difference not just to grow, but to maintain. This is one of the rare instances where a pattern is more evident to our conscious minds than it is to the brains which set up our attitudes and behaviours.</p><p>There is no easy answer. The best advice is:</p><p></p><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>Listen more than you talk. Sit with other ideas before you respond to them (easier said than done).</li><li>Make ideas feel safer (to you or to others) by focusing first on common ground than new ground, over and over again.</li><li>Look for models of disagreement that works. There are lots of good examples and some structures that can be replicated to make it easier to foster disagreement in your workplace. Some of them might even work at home!</li></ol><div>Here's why you probably won't change: all of these take willpower. It will always be easier and more comfortable to hang out with ideas and mindsets like your own. You will always find other people to be smarter, more likeable and more attractive when they agree with you.</div><div><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmovw2Q_TT6jsjlLyrJkSoy4UHrSO3PoH4ocKDS_172pRpwN2KdmXCqFqERDwgZkfLA0ESfGkr_cPDhBl50IqJtXaFeeo_7SME5NhwO17wizGHPXQ-HBUUpG8vu-xfBUFDLLM85A/s2048/woman_in_black_blazer_sitting_beside_table_with_laptop_computer-scopio-568b21a2-a082-4ee0-ad7a-8d5d1906ac71.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmovw2Q_TT6jsjlLyrJkSoy4UHrSO3PoH4ocKDS_172pRpwN2KdmXCqFqERDwgZkfLA0ESfGkr_cPDhBl50IqJtXaFeeo_7SME5NhwO17wizGHPXQ-HBUUpG8vu-xfBUFDLLM85A/w400-h266/woman_in_black_blazer_sitting_beside_table_with_laptop_computer-scopio-568b21a2-a082-4ee0-ad7a-8d5d1906ac71.jpg" title="Billy PInig @ scop.io" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by: <a href="https://scop.io/collections/vendors?q=Billy+Pinig" target="_blank">Billy Pinig</a></td></tr></tbody></table><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Hanging out with disagreement will always feel less like a warm bath and more like a cold shower. But, it is a temporary discomfort in the service of better ideas and more workable solutions. Difference is the first step in adapting and evolving. </div><div><br /></div><div>Brace yourself and listen..</div><p></p>NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-25171110977643125322021-02-20T08:30:00.001-05:002021-02-20T08:30:28.618-05:00Know Your Own Brain<p> What have you given up on before you even started? There are so many things we try a little and then stop because the learning curve seems too steep. We can't do everything, and so we stop doing something that might take too much effort or too much time to understand. Fair enough?</p><p>It's not fair enough when it comes to understanding how you are making choices. You might know your own mind but that mind is shaped by your brain. If you don't know anything about your brain, it's hard to know when to trust your thinking and when to challenge it.</p><p>Allow me to introduce you to <a href="https://lisafeldmanbarrett.com" target="_blank">Lisa Feldman Barrett.</a> She's one of my favourite sources of news about how the brain/body system works. When you read <a href="https://www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/books/seven-and-a-half-lessons/9780358157144-item.html?ikwid=lisa+feldman+barrett&ikwsec=Home&ikwidx=0#algoliaQueryId=4f319d6a026dac7d110a1c80dd6e5529" target="_blank">7 1/2 Short Lessons About the Brain</a> you'll understand how how many things you "know" about your brain that are just plain wrong. And you'll see how having better information connects to knowing yourself better and making better choices. This is a short, easy read by someone who knows her stuff so well that she can build bridges between readers and the information that will be useful to them.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTIXa3_8Ua76fjsYbUOp1P6NU14lYastIAjOZow8t5RbBQj6vvxRj3AjYmd4bGI_bMXP87PC60N5ou_GdIl0yZM1iQJDnyAAuX77AvVbWT18US5JCzdPamWgA-hxo5FayP7S_Xfg/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="7 1/2 Lessons About the Brain" data-original-height="550" data-original-width="550" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTIXa3_8Ua76fjsYbUOp1P6NU14lYastIAjOZow8t5RbBQj6vvxRj3AjYmd4bGI_bMXP87PC60N5ou_GdIl0yZM1iQJDnyAAuX77AvVbWT18US5JCzdPamWgA-hxo5FayP7S_Xfg/w400-h400/BookTemplate_Square_SevenAndAHalf.jpg" title="https://lisafeldmanbarrett.com/books/seven-and-a-half-lessons-about-the-brain/" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>At this point, I want to mention two things. <a href="https://www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/books/how-emotions-are-made-the/9781328915436-item.html?ikwid=lisa+feldman+barrett&ikwsec=Home&ikwidx=1#algoliaQueryId=4f319d6a026dac7d110a1c80dd6e5529" target="_blank">How Emotions Are Made</a> is a longer, harder read and really, really useful too. If you don't understand how emotions happen, then you are doomed to be swatted from one strong feeling into another. That leads to bad choices and bad experiences. The alternative is not to give up on emotion or to control emotion. It's more like surfing: emotion is the wave but your mind should be the surfer.</p><p>The second thing I want to mention is that Lisa Feldman Barrett is a good speaker and if you look up her Ted talks, you will learn and enjoy. But you might not remember. TED talks are fast, and while you're thinking about one point, you might miss the next. This won't happen if you sit down with a book and read one section at a time. You'll have the same chance to find our what Lisa Feldman Barrett knows. But you'll have a much better chance to find out what you think.</p>NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-55402559884250878612021-02-06T12:48:00.000-05:002021-02-06T12:51:21.220-05:00Listen Better to The Voice in Your Head<p> How is that key relationship going for you: the relationship with the voice in your head? How often do you fight with that voice, or sneer at it, or walk away from it discouraged? If you were to describe a relationship with another person the way you describe your feelings about the voice in your head, how would that sound?</p><p>There is no divorcing the voice in your head; you cannot silence it and you cannot make it respect your boundaries. This is the relationship that you can negotiate but not ditch.</p><p>Here are three things to consider the next time the voice in your head does not seem like a good friend:</p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>The voice in the head is always on your side. It's not always tactful or friendly or upbeat, but it is on your side. You made it.</li><li>You can meet the complaints and criticisms and fears with compassion. We are all in palliative care: we are all scared of running out of time or health or hope. If you were visiting someone who sounded like the voice in your head, you could dig in and find compassion even when you couldn't like what you were hearing.</li><li>You don't have to believe everything you hear, even when you hear it inside your head. Instead of being caught between belief and rejection, try saying, "that's one way to see this." Or maybe, "that's how it feels right now."</li></ul><div>You are not a computer and your programming is not full of bugs and errors. You are a complex interplay of mind and brain and body and your ties to other people. The voice in your head has a lot to track and limited time to get your attention and direct it to something you need. It might seem impatient or rushed or mean or it might seem overly bright and positive. Either way, you can take a deep breath and say back, "Maybe."</div><div><br /></div><div>You are never just the voice in your head. You have choices.</div><div><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc45BEs1iVviyTIKU_uitmJ2MYEDXpBgloUDMWpQC32Uc3-5tIGtsmBKk3YgD4Buq0FwquqKaoiS0nb9PkALHELNiiT67LSkEP7aKQfpghkVp5kqAqa4GeFFodG1oL__K4xQGmdg/s1200/man_on_focus-scopio-1c2f64ff-d9ca-4d07-8ad8-94cbf76c4ee6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1200" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc45BEs1iVviyTIKU_uitmJ2MYEDXpBgloUDMWpQC32Uc3-5tIGtsmBKk3YgD4Buq0FwquqKaoiS0nb9PkALHELNiiT67LSkEP7aKQfpghkVp5kqAqa4GeFFodG1oL__K4xQGmdg/w400-h266/man_on_focus-scopio-1c2f64ff-d9ca-4d07-8ad8-94cbf76c4ee6.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><label class="credits-modal-label" id="creditsContent" style="align-items: center; background-color: #d8d8d8; box-sizing: border-box; display: flex; font-family: Poppins, Montserrat, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; height: 38px; margin: 0px 15px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 20px; text-align: start;">Photo by <a href="https://scop.io/collections/vendors?q=Jeremy+Walton" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: black; cursor: pointer;">Jeremy Walton</a> on <a href="https://scop.io/" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: black; cursor: pointer;">Scopio</a></label></td></tr></tbody></table><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>If you need help with those choices, visit me at <a href="http://www.nlpcanada.com">www.nlpcanada.com</a> for #freeNLP resources and events. </div><div><br /></div><div>You might also want to explore these ways to think about the voice in your head and the way you listen to it::</div><div><a href="https://positivepsychology.com/act-acceptance-and-commitment-therapy/" target="_blank">Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)</a></div><div><a href="https://sfwork.com/resources/interaction/s10.pdf">Solution Focused Coaching</a> and Therapy</div><div><a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-04850-000" target="_blank">Narrative Practice</a></div><p></p>NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-18838429908826638472021-01-24T09:14:00.002-05:002021-01-24T09:14:58.989-05:00Where to find a unicorn in a pandemic<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicFP4pgxCckUrXyWA0tyROL5y472Mr8CojLJiQKh6Myl1HiMLhCae7TwifNWhtgg04Gkxy2ZiNAUNtMWCpzVLZW2meRmcIJqwxX_BpxIK6sjJkkpVrhxn-_tQfRvwzQlsxzjeAeQ/s2048/IMG_4100.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Unicorn crafts" border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicFP4pgxCckUrXyWA0tyROL5y472Mr8CojLJiQKh6Myl1HiMLhCae7TwifNWhtgg04Gkxy2ZiNAUNtMWCpzVLZW2meRmcIJqwxX_BpxIK6sjJkkpVrhxn-_tQfRvwzQlsxzjeAeQ/w400-h300/IMG_4100.jpg" title="Do you need a unicorn?" width="400" /></a></div><br />Have you been feeling the need for a unicorn lately? A mythical creature of healing and hope that magically appears to right wrongs and detoxify with a touch of its horn?<p></p><p>I wonder if you would recognize a unicorn when it appeared. You might say, "it's just a horse, or a trick, or I saw it wrong."</p><p>Four days a week, I meet with two 5-year old friends and we make crafts and tell stories by Zoom. It takes about ten hours a week to do the Zooms and prepare stories and crafts, and most of those hours come out of the middle of my day. </p><p>We sometimes call the middle of something the heart. At the heart of my days is a five year old giggling. In that moment, all is well. That's a unicorn.</p><p>If you need a unicorn, be one. The girls' moms think I am giving them the most amazing gift by showing up for their kids in the middle of the day (and letting their moms get one work call in without an interruption). They think that I am the unicorn.</p><p>But I know that in the middle of my days, there are now bright, bright eyes, and giggles and a practice of hope and healing. I know a unicorn when I see one. I've been studying them by making them.</p><p>Your unicorn will look different. That's why they are so hard to see. But somewhere in your life or work, there is a moment when the moment is enough. And somewhere in your life, there is a connection waiting to be made. You have what it takes to do just one thing that focuses you and makes something better in the world.</p><p>Maybe you are wallowing in inertia while you wait for things to change outside. Or maybe you are working longer hours than ever before and wishing for your old routine. Whether or not you do one more thing, you'll be tired and cranky.</p><p>So why not push yourself to do just one good thing? As you make some unicorns, you will learn to recognize them when they appear in the middle of your day.</p><p>There are more unicorns than you think.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-79424682454865072482020-11-14T18:44:00.004-05:002020-11-14T18:45:24.310-05:00Keep hitting 'reset'<p> If you're like me, you're frustrated. There's too much work and too little laughter in your days. There are never enough hugs. Times are tough, and you suspect they will stay that way for the foreseeable future. So what will you do?</p><p>I know. Hibernation is a great idea, but it doesn't work for human beings. Pretending you're fine works for a while, but eventually even you realize that faking it isn't helping you make it. And you've tried wallowing, but it's not really you.</p><p>So hit the reset button. That's frustrating, too. I know. For one thing, often the reset button is actually a hole into which you have to insert a push pin or paper clip. And then you have to wait. And isn't that just so very 2020?</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil9hAurwSJAiLj-rbU45L7S8QTsdJaOVgGckocFkIi4vpfG47UoeKrG5zS06W02Bf9mIEXtk9vFZGk48Ltnsjm50NvxNtelvPVPVGyVtawqDs6R3ta9F_uF63ycwRyD1qdXvrJmg/s2048/person_using_black_and_gray_laptop_computer-scopio-2e46c578-5d10-4129-b74d-5e26bc552ae1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil9hAurwSJAiLj-rbU45L7S8QTsdJaOVgGckocFkIi4vpfG47UoeKrG5zS06W02Bf9mIEXtk9vFZGk48Ltnsjm50NvxNtelvPVPVGyVtawqDs6R3ta9F_uF63ycwRyD1qdXvrJmg/s320/person_using_black_and_gray_laptop_computer-scopio-2e46c578-5d10-4129-b74d-5e26bc552ae1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><label class="credits-modal-label" id="creditsContent" style="align-items: center; background-color: #d8d8d8; box-sizing: border-box; display: flex; font-family: Poppins, Montserrat, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; height: 38px; margin: 0px 15px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 20px; text-align: start;">Photo by <a href="https://scop.io/collections/vendors?q=Linus+Strandholm" id="vendorCredits" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: black; cursor: pointer;">Linus Strandholm</a> on <a href="https://scop.io/" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: black; cursor: pointer;">Scopio</a></label></td></tr></tbody></table><p>And yet, over and over again, you'll hit a moment when you are sad or angry or distracted. And the right answer is to push reset. Don't try to get better yet. Try to get back to neutral. Get up and move around. In NLP, we say, "Shake it off." We mean that moving your muscles will loosen the feelings that get tangled up in them. If you're good at breathing, take a few deep breaths. </p><p>Then try again. Do one thing that you want to get accomplished. It's okay if it's not what you were doing just before you hit reset. Build momentum through small steps you really wanted to get done. And then take another step. </p><p>Until you get frustrated or sad or angry. Then you'll need to move, breathe, and shake it off. Until something changes in you or something changes in the world and you forget to get frustrated. Then you'll just keep moving forward.</p><p><br /></p>NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-83698514866255406232020-10-25T10:55:00.000-04:002020-10-25T10:55:08.015-04:003 Ways to Improve Your Mindset as COVID Winter Approaches<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK8nfXJnxOVFHkb4vngSFRxI7jeTNnKsvGK2NyozAV0joj1wm-odp-Vm5OAoQ-wGfT24ChG-Poigow3d6AbhWg9MP8rYtvGt5mLAwRuARiOlKjNrRMxUx2jNVYw7UVCVofnMOIhw/s2048/IMG_3596.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Woods at Bronte Creek" border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK8nfXJnxOVFHkb4vngSFRxI7jeTNnKsvGK2NyozAV0joj1wm-odp-Vm5OAoQ-wGfT24ChG-Poigow3d6AbhWg9MP8rYtvGt5mLAwRuARiOlKjNrRMxUx2jNVYw7UVCVofnMOIhw/w400-h300/IMG_3596.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p style="text-align: left;">Fall is a little magical. We notice the light, and forget a little that it is easier to see the sky because there are fewer leaves every day. At the end of this lovely path is winter. In Canada, even bright winter days are short. Overall, the winter is dark and often damp and sometimes very cold. Patios are less attractive after Christmas and even walking is harder in wind and ice.</p><p style="text-align: left;">So we all know what is coming, and we know that COVID will make it worse. What we need to know is what will make the coming season better? Stretching a little now will set you up for more of what you need in the months to come. Here are three practices to get you started:</p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>You might not have run an actual marathon, but you have had projects and experiences that seemed like marathons. These are your foundation: the evidence that you CAN keep going and the models of strategies that work for you. Lean into them. Be curious about how you managed to stay focused and keep moving. How does that help now?</li><li>People you have never met have helped you shape your sense of your own life and of life in general. They might have been writers or athletes or performers or scientists, but their stories are part of your story. Be curious about how that happened. How do people make a difference from a distance?</li><li>Celebrate something. You have to practice this, to celebrate when you're feeling okay so you will be good at it when conditions are more difficult.The heart of celebration is a feeling that you have when you notice something good and reflect that back into the world. You can do that on your own or with the people close to you. </li></ul><div>Sometimes this feels like the end of the world. If it were the end, you wouldn't waste time on stuff you can't change. You would, I believe, make the most of the kindness, courage and beauty all around you. Does that sound hokey or impractical? Actual science shows that taking control of your mindset, being deliberate in your optimism and helping others are all associated with tangible, practical advantages. </div><div><br /></div><div>Don't take my word for it: experiment and notice what changes.</div><p></p><br /><p></p>NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-80303996928889413452020-10-10T11:13:00.004-04:002020-10-10T11:13:22.430-04:00Are the walls closing in? It's time to create some space<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqSJpN2J_7yQhntTySW58zIWH_KxeBgL9WZPuJFzYJ1ZAOallOPs4RWk9EHBlgQPslvwuxGTILP8RsL4Kf_fJlMhXh0ACmCZJNTmCqaejOp6LspRdBHAcyzf8JfLlOiNlQxv91NA/s1000/IMG_3450.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="1000" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqSJpN2J_7yQhntTySW58zIWH_KxeBgL9WZPuJFzYJ1ZAOallOPs4RWk9EHBlgQPslvwuxGTILP8RsL4Kf_fJlMhXh0ACmCZJNTmCqaejOp6LspRdBHAcyzf8JfLlOiNlQxv91NA/w400-h300/IMG_3450.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Welcome to Canadian Thanksgiving, 2020 edition. Do you feel like the walls are closing in? </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">We're experiencing the last few weeks when reasonable people expect to sit outside and enjoy it. And we're facing our first COVID winter, a time when gathering outside is probably unpleasant and gathering inside is either forbidden or risky. Our kids are still in school, but they are confined to their desks for most of the day, their worlds reduced to a few square feet of not-very-comfortable territory. It's tough in here. It's tight and getting tighter.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So what can you do? You have access to three powerful tools for creating space. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>The first is movement. If you can, get outside and walk. The weather doesn't matter so much when your muscles are warm and working. The skies are always higher than the ceilings, and you'll see people or animals that are sharing your world and moving with you. </li><li>The second is connection. I know that a phone call or video call is not as good as holding a hand or giving a hug. But if you think about it, you almost certainly have memories of calls that felt closer, more connection than conversations you had in the same room. Touch is important, but so focused attention, and a voice that reaches out just to us. </li><li>The third is imagination. You have one, even if you think it might be a little rusty. When you watch tv, you escape a little. When you read a good book, the walls push back for longer. When you close your eyes, you can be anyplace you have ever loved. There are no edges, no pages, no limits except your willingness to revisit a time when you felt free and at home in a big, big world.</li></ul><div>You are not running out of time and the walls are not closing in. You are reaching the limits of the strategy you have been using to create time and space. It's just time to try a new strategy.</div></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /> <p></p>NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-58321832109613284042020-08-01T16:41:00.000-04:002020-08-01T16:41:01.907-04:00It takes willpower to use the language of agreementWhen I am training <a href="https://nlpcanada.com/training/our-2020-schedule.html" target="_blank">NLP workshops and courses,</a> I ask people to do two simple exercises to build agreement. In one exercise, I ask that they have a conversations where they start everything they say with a form of Yes. No matter what their partner just said, they have to say yes before they reply. In the second exercise, they have to begin by repeating exactly a few words that their partner has just said.<div><br /></div><div>It's hard to imagine a simpler language pattern. When you want to build agreement, show that by saying a form of yes every time you speak. When you want to build connection, show that you are connecting by repeating something you heard before you change or add to it. These two language patterns have the power to change how people respond to you. They are 100% reliable.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmF-q9a-MK-SU1dOQ0CPx_ahFkelVxr4W-FNF8q1V_ah56dnBqZeWnsGgdyGwGjfDD4ZpDSPq-XFg7cOW7LpaObpPpmD3p43uqaHLRxrIge60TthyEC4uDkOz-nGcAEuGBaaeD8Q/s1600/%25C2%25A9+Can+Stock+Photo+%253A+edharcanstock.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="986" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmF-q9a-MK-SU1dOQ0CPx_ahFkelVxr4W-FNF8q1V_ah56dnBqZeWnsGgdyGwGjfDD4ZpDSPq-XFg7cOW7LpaObpPpmD3p43uqaHLRxrIge60TthyEC4uDkOz-nGcAEuGBaaeD8Q/s640/%25C2%25A9+Can+Stock+Photo+%253A+edharcanstock.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>So what happens? People forget. They can either say yes or they can have a meaningful conversation, but they find it hard to do both. They can repeat back words or they can have their own thoughts, but they struggle to weave the two together. This is as true for accomplished sales professionals as it is for people who have never been trained in language or scripts. The brain leaps so quickly to what it identifies as the next point that it is hard for the tongue not to leap with it. </div><div><br /></div><div>Language that builds connection and agreement takes willpower. It involves continually focusing on the result you want from your language instead of the meaning you are trying to represent. It requires that you give up trying to be right in favour of trying to get results.</div><div><br /></div><div>This is why quick trainings in complicated language patterns are seldom effective. A quick training allows you to encounter language, but not to condition yourself to use it when you need it to get a result. That takes skills in outcome formation and self-management. And it takes practice.</div>NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-88729801615478004022020-07-22T12:58:00.004-04:002020-07-26T11:10:03.905-04:00There are no true stories. Why would you read a novel? It's not even true.<div><br /></div><div>Do you believe that non-fiction books are "better" because they are "true?" NLP (neurolinguistic programming) offers an interesting perspective on how language works. It uses words to anchor experience, so that every communication with language is completed by the receiver. The words are not the point: the connection is the point.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf6bajaM0tEtfygrXbyV1IjRlhcjCFtIQ7Tzb3xC166fZO_uTRkduswebouD8G30jYLXcm6Lx1bm4AwkfDSZ-lmCFnZC6gD_fy0V7L4ZtvzNLzdV_reHpp8dv605zXH6x2Q7P3sg/s1600/Shiftwork3.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf6bajaM0tEtfygrXbyV1IjRlhcjCFtIQ7Tzb3xC166fZO_uTRkduswebouD8G30jYLXcm6Lx1bm4AwkfDSZ-lmCFnZC6gD_fy0V7L4ZtvzNLzdV_reHpp8dv605zXH6x2Q7P3sg/s320/Shiftwork3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>In the meta-model, it is understood that language necessarily distorts experience because it cannot create a one-to-one correspondence between what the words say and the experience represented by the words. This isn't because people are trying to be misleading. It's the way language works. There is no evolutionary advantage to being able to predict the past or to being so accurate that no one else can connect with what you are saying.</div><div><br /></div><div>Stories are never true (even if they really happened) because they are all experiences that are communicated through language. Language necessarily changes and shapes what you say with it. This doesn't mean there is no point to talking. It means that language is about shaping connection and cooperation so you can change the future. It's not about representing the past in a way that is accurate.</div><div><br /></div><div>Language is a tool that helps us live forward, not backwards. Novels help you do that by showing you potential experiences and patterns of experience. So do memoirs and non-fiction books. Non-fiction is not "more true" because it starts from something that 'actually happened.' It is a crafted, curated, artificial version of life that may help you connect, cooperate or imagine the future. Just like fiction.</div><div><br /></div><div>The advantage to reading fiction is that we don't expect it to be a true representation of life; we expect it to offer true possibilities for life. That means that we hope to use stories about people who don't exist and events that haven't happened so we can think about how to live our own lives with clearer intentions. We give our hearts to made-up characters because we know they hold the key that opens something important in us.</div><div><br /></div><div>Non-fiction can also engage our emotions and trigger our sense of possibility. It does this when it tells a good story that carries us through interesting changes in states and connections. Whether or not a story starts out in someone's life is less important than how it turns up in the experience of the reader. You should read whatever engages the most of your attention so that you can make the most of what you read. </div>NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-36684856015385593052020-06-13T08:45:00.001-04:002020-06-13T08:47:26.544-04:00Are you waiting or are you growing?<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.amazon.ca/Resilience-Grow-Stronger-Time-Crisis-ebook/dp/B0887XWPLY/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1D72IWBJFR3F5&dchild=1&keywords=resilience+grow+stronger+in+a+time+of+crisis&qid=1592050844&sprefix=resilience+grow%2Caps%2C147&sr=8-1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="499" data-original-width="324" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiULA01zJ6yYBbvoQFFhIZ5mUrcSx4M1o1ZfqrkWWG1pJtneRbkauhDGpFHFoW0SLvtJKTX4fd5IA5WAChNofoBCHGclOU4ZrWCQitfMM5v1xUP701gUmCTYA-C8BShBrH_0avT5A/s320/ResilienceCover.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Have you been stuck in a waiting room for the past three months, or have you been building something? The lockdown has changed a lot of things, but it hasn't change this basic choice. We are always either circling or growing. Usually when we are circling, we are running from one thing we know to another in a cycle. Other people look and see busy. We see busy. But that doesn't always mean growth. It can mean wearing a rut in our thinking.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The lockdown grabbed us by the shoulders and said "sit still." It felt like being plunked into a room and being told "wait here." Wait for the news that will change your life. Wait for the principal. Wait for the dentist's drill. Kill time until you get back to your real life.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Many people were already living in the waiting room. They were hoping something would change around them, that something would open up new possibilities. But their minds kept running in the same patterns, so they kept seeing and doing the same things. Change has to start with challenging what you think you know. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I wrote t<a href="https://www.amazon.ca/Resilience-Grow-Stronger-Time-Crisis-ebook/dp/B0887XWPLY/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1D72IWBJFR3F5&dchild=1&keywords=resilience+grow+stronger+in+a+time+of+crisis&qid=1592050844&sprefix=resilience+grow%2Caps%2C147&sr=8-1" target="_blank">his new book</a> for people who are determined to keep growing. They refuse to wait: they are in the waiting room writing and listening to podcasts and observing their own reactions so they can decide which to keep and which to change. There are many places they would rather be, but that's not the point. The point is to live the best life they can in this moment and prepare to do the same tomorrow.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Is that your point? Are you tired of waiting for your real life to begin? You can't change the weather or the lockdown or the economy on your own. What you can do is find the willpower and process you need to keep growing. Your choices haven't really changed: you can do more of the same or you can make difference happen.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div>NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-8605353275030789202020-05-15T18:10:00.000-04:002020-05-15T18:10:06.433-04:00Growing stronger is more satisfying than just hanging in<br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmemIj30v4IKjAwds8pzKgRAeJJj30ZvXtedLAns61iB7bI4FzqXYRb6D3CksUoNKbIKxAHHGnHFlE0EUCo7qTDZK17Cm9Yfd5z-jTctgm5onlK4yVa27gbYpYE7l2KXP5JA_Obw/s1600/IvanBabiy+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="784" data-original-width="1600" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmemIj30v4IKjAwds8pzKgRAeJJj30ZvXtedLAns61iB7bI4FzqXYRb6D3CksUoNKbIKxAHHGnHFlE0EUCo7qTDZK17Cm9Yfd5z-jTctgm5onlK4yVa27gbYpYE7l2KXP5JA_Obw/s400/IvanBabiy+copy.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by Ivan Babiy at scop.io<br /></td></tr>
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Are you hanging in? There's a sense these days of life suspended - I mean both that it feels like we have been left hanging and that we have been shut out of our real lives for an unspecified amount of time (probably much longer than you hope as your fingertips begin to bleed).<div>
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Some people have lost their work and some are overwhelmed by work. Some are trying to be full time parent/teachers/caregivers while also doing their day jobs. As if. They are quickly becoming their evening into night-time jobs too. They don't have a choice about their circumstances.</div>
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They do have a choice about how to respond, and so do you. You can hang in there and hope that you will adapt (or that life will go back to normal before you have to adapt). Or you can recognize that many, many changes are coming, and you can start developing the strength and flexibility to build a life that satisfies you, no matter what happens.</div>
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If you've read this blog before, you know which option I am going to recommend. I'm determined to grow stronger, and I'm doing it through learning. Since the lockdown began in Ontario, I've guided college classes through an online end-of-term; I've transitioned my NLP community to online programs, and I've written my first published book. Each of these made me feel like I was hanging on a ledge until I found I was building the right muscles for them.</div>
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If it's time for you to stop hanging and start growing stronger, you'll need to do two things: 1) find information worth learning and 2) practice using it to add to your awareness and choices. My new book, <a href="https://www.amazon.ca/Resilience-Grow-Stronger-Time-Crisis/dp/1789046971/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3JQXPHCKJQBH7&keywords=resilience+grow+stronger+in+a+time+of+crisis&qid=1589580313&sprefix=reslilience%3A+grow%2Caps%2C147&sr=8-1" target="_blank">Resilience: Grow Stronger in a Time of Crisis</a> is out today and provides both the information and the ways to practice. You can get the Kindle version immediately or wait until next week for a paperback copy (ignore the "out of stock" message - the printed versions are on their way). By next week, I'll also be able to link to Indigo.</div>
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You can also join me online if you can make the timing work. All our programs are listed in Eastern Standard Time (Toronto). <a href="https://www.nlpcanada.com/training/our-2020-schedule.html" target="_blank">I'm offering free programs every week</a> (two a week until the beginning of June) so that I can give as many people as possible a hand to get them off the edge so they can grow the strengths that will make them feel better and do better.</div>
NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-2125387441085564282020-04-19T14:26:00.003-04:002020-04-19T14:27:37.677-04:00A long walk with no particular destination<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9c6CuOJA3DztwF0inBUnMHsgsiV85-DMhJI8T5iviX19uXQutMduN1Czxs5teahtPS-MEm3H0PT6cZgEWHSapD-xtMACxZz3Rmh_aDC9TTTMc42f4diW1NRWNFogoN7fETaDkBg/s1600/woman_in_black_dress_walking_on_wooden_bridge-scopio-2746f127-5858-4e0d-8f3c-0a3ff8db0b8a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9c6CuOJA3DztwF0inBUnMHsgsiV85-DMhJI8T5iviX19uXQutMduN1Czxs5teahtPS-MEm3H0PT6cZgEWHSapD-xtMACxZz3Rmh_aDC9TTTMc42f4diW1NRWNFogoN7fETaDkBg/s400/woman_in_black_dress_walking_on_wooden_bridge-scopio-2746f127-5858-4e0d-8f3c-0a3ff8db0b8a.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tyler Tang, Scop.io</td></tr>
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How do you feel about the title of this post? Some people love to go for a long walk. Many famous people have gone for long walks every day, just to think. Other people walk for exercise: it doesn't matter where they go as long as they keep moving. And some people walk because it's a good way to get where they want to go.</div>
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Someone asked me today to talk about how to successfully be in a relationship with your partner or family while under quarantine. I am suspicious that what you are feeling now is what you feel when you go for a long walk together. </div>
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Humour me. Think of your partner or one person who is living with you in isolation from the rest of the world. Have you ever been for a walk with this person? What did you like about it and what was difficult? Did you get in sync and did you have the same need to talk or to walk in silence? Did you walk one behind another or side by side? What made this walk worth remembering (because you are remembering it)?</div>
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If you are happy to take off for a long walk going nowhere, then you're well on the way to successful isolation days: they almost all feel like a long walk without a destination. But if you have a hard time walking together, you'll need to think about what you can change.</div>
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And that's the difficult part: you can't change the other person. You can only decide what you will do. Will you let them charge off ahead while you listen to your playlist and watch your step? Will you listen first (even though they might not listen back)? Will you ask them to speed up or slow down so that you can both walk at a comfortable pace? </div>
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The answer depends in part on why you started walking together. </div>
NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-75419617259056964022020-03-06T21:05:00.002-05:002020-03-06T21:05:46.072-05:00Owning all of youI've recently had discussions with people who were worried that they could never be all of one piece, that choosing a different path meant that they would be permanently severed from their old selves. It's a worry that can keep all of us stuck from time to time. If I change, what will I lose?<br />
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The answer is to stop thinking that you are your path. You can only walk one path at a time, but you can choose lots of different paths over time, learning and growing and exploring without losing any part of the self. The brain does not have to cut off old connections to make new ones. A new path doesn't make the old path bad or wrong.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjSPGMz_WjLeCs43RDCrajpL7owkjTyv-YTDqpdslNhcQ9qg5UqEH0_9dOSZnfylUn5tGx3h0cEaKNH21TAR6bRWBUdS9Dza-YCUSJlEnhYnbi8rR3VlRy__ysjpBpsXsgeHtU6g/s1600/IMG_1491.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjSPGMz_WjLeCs43RDCrajpL7owkjTyv-YTDqpdslNhcQ9qg5UqEH0_9dOSZnfylUn5tGx3h0cEaKNH21TAR6bRWBUdS9Dza-YCUSJlEnhYnbi8rR3VlRy__ysjpBpsXsgeHtU6g/s320/IMG_1491.HEIC" width="320" /></a></div>
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That's not to say that your new path might not be bumpy, or go through swamps or run into impossibly steep cliffs. One of the more difficult truths about human life is that we often grow strength and flexibility by confronting obstacles. Achievement is wonderful, but failure is a teacher who often sticks with us until we get the point. The path you choose might be really hard.<br />
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If it is, you will need all of yourself to deal. Not just the shiny, new parts you wear like armour. All of the self you have been and may be and have dreamed of being will help you find your way forward.<br />
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<br />NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-66604456735526326132020-02-15T09:15:00.002-05:002020-02-15T09:16:43.898-05:00Family is a state of mind It's Family Day long weekend in Toronto, and it's the day after Valentine's Day.<br />
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When I ask my international students about holidays, they often imagine connecting with family. They are often a very long way from home, and they imagine time spent with family as if they live in a greeting-card: parents are wise and siblings are fun and the world is a safe place.<br />
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My grandson is growing up in that kind of a family. His parents are smart and kind and love him with all their being. He is surrounded by grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins who play with him and wonder at him and want the best for him. He is blessed.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfmOO-6yoLzNzBidr5pbiBUY0GZIdfM7XDTOJrXBHQFy1NB-zMXJKQzgbv60XR-qTTsvLQbgbhf8pFK3DTOE-_us1D9p2wBEMvUrsvSeityxU5A5BWoURn5Hs4RoNMS_SiCJ5ZpA/s1600/canstockphoto20055277.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfmOO-6yoLzNzBidr5pbiBUY0GZIdfM7XDTOJrXBHQFy1NB-zMXJKQzgbv60XR-qTTsvLQbgbhf8pFK3DTOE-_us1D9p2wBEMvUrsvSeityxU5A5BWoURn5Hs4RoNMS_SiCJ5ZpA/s320/canstockphoto20055277.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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People say that you can choose family, but I wonder. I think family are the people we do not get to choose. They are the people who show up and who make us admit, more often than not, that being human is very different than being perfect. Family sometimes gives us a wonderful boost (which we did not deserve) and sometimes are the crabs in the bucket, clawing at us as we climb.<br />
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So when I write "family is a state of mind" I mean on one hand, that sometimes people who are not born into our families give us that wonderful sense of safety and support we think of as 'family'. And we can celebrate that.<br />
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And I mean on the other hand, that family is a choice you make about what to do with the people who land in your life, the people you do not choose but who are part of your experience. Even children make choices about what to accept and what to dream. As an adult, you have more choices. You can relive be broken or you can look forward. You will be, in the end, what you make of yourself.<br />
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You don't choose family. But you do choose what they get to mean in your life.<br />
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Happy Family Day.NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-39815809825464171722020-02-09T09:57:00.000-05:002020-02-09T09:57:20.152-05:00When did you become two people?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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When I look at this picture, I see one speaker. It's me. I don't see a personal me and a work me. I don't see the brave me and the hidden me. I see me.<br />
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I know you've read that you should have boundaries between your work life and your private life. There is wisdom in allowing yourself to experience all of yourself and that can mean creating time and space to be present wherever you are. There is no wisdom in sending a version of yourself to work and keeping a different version at home.<br />
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What do you see when you look at a picture of you at work? People often call me at <a href="https://www.nlpcanada.com/" target="_blank">NLP Canada Training</a> and say something like "It's just for me." or "I'm interested for work." The problem is there is no such thing. You are one person and who you are changes your influence on the people who connect with you. The reverse is also true. If you don't change your own thinking or responses, you are unlikely to make change in the way you lead and influence.<br />
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When I teach someone to set a goal with purpose and meaning, it's not a work goal or a personal goal. It's a goal that will engage all parts of themselves as they work on it. When I teach someone to manage a trauma, they don't heal their personal self and send a clone to work. They heal themselves so that they can make better choices wherever they are.<br />
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The quickest way to build influence is to let people see that all of you has shown up wherever you are. You can use strengths from work at home, and strengths from home at work. You might call it presence or you might call it congruence.<br />
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When you look at a picture, you only see one "you." That's the person you have to influence to make change happen wherever you are.<br />
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<br />NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-54635012877063429762020-01-18T22:07:00.002-05:002020-01-18T22:07:22.707-05:00Managing through confusion, chaos and JanuaryHow's your new year going? Mine is starting with chaos. Family situations that take endless energy and tons of time. A big month for training combined with the need to upgrade bookkeeping and phone systems. The software I use to manage my website just crashed: possibly permanently.<br />
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Of course, I'm frazzled. But I'm optimistic. Deliberately optimistic. I keep refocusing on what I have and figuring out how to handle what I need. I take my vitamins and get some sleep and start again. This is not because I'm smart and strong. It's because I have been deliberately building resilience for the past 17 years.<br />
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If you feel overwhelmed, know that you can learn to manage what you need to manage. Life happens to all of us, even when we're well-prepared. When we practice managing frustration and fatigue and too many emotions, we don't avoid them. We just deal with them. The people who study with me at <a href="https://www.nlpcanada.com/" target="_blank">NLP Canada Training</a> want more satisfying lives. They have been through storms and they have stood at crossroads and not known which way to pick. They are determined to build up the strengths to be ready the next time the situation gets tough.<br />
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You don't need to be a star. You don't need to shine big. You need to shine just enough light to see your next step. You can do that. You can take the energy you use to worry, to freak out, to lose it with your friends, and you can redirect it. It takes good information, strong processes and lots of practice. The payoff is self respect and the ability to stay the course when you hit the big bumps.<br />
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January has been chaos for me. But it has also held opportunity, and steps forward, and some amazing moments of joy. I will remember enough of the difficulties to learn what I need. And I will remember the joy because it's the fuel that keeps me running.<br />
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If you're struggling, take one small step. And breathe. You've got what it takes to make it to your next good choice.NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-71421721235217479962019-12-14T06:37:00.002-05:002019-12-14T06:37:34.694-05:00Hope is in the detailI love the Christmas I imagine, full of laughter and conversation, of time to play games and munch chocolate and eat freshly baked cinnamon buns. That Christmas lives in my head and my heart, made up of bits and pieces that have happened over many, many years.<br />
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The reality of Christmas is, of course, much different. For many years, it has involved rush and working in the kitchen until I hurt and lots of adaptation and negotiation. It's hard to find words like "peace" and "joy" in the midst of so much chaos and stress. It would be popular to advocate opting out, but that's like opting out of family. It comes with low benefits and a high cost.<br />
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So here's my word for Christmas: hope. Hope is not the absence of chaos or pain, and it's not a guarantee that anything will get better. It's just the small thing left at the bottom of Pandora's box that allows us to do the right thing or take the next step. Hope is less about changing the world, and more about changing the way we respond.<br />
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Hope for me will be sharing stories with the class where I volunteer. It will be baking my Grandma's shortbread. It will be the few hours when both my boys are home at the same time. And this year it will be the big eyes of my three month old grandson as he watches the lights on the Christmas tree.<br />
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If you don't celebrate Christmas, this is a hard time of year. The days are short and dark and surprisingly cold. Everywhere you go there are signs of a party that isn't for you. It's worth noticing that if you do celebrate Christmas, you're probably in pretty much the same boat. The days are still short and dark and surprisingly cold. And all around you are signs that other people are 'doing' Christmas much better than you.<br />
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Where do you find hope? It's in the details. So look hard. Look at the lights on one tree, eat one cookie, feel a scarf around your neck or a mitten warming your fingers. Hope is what we do with our eyes and our ears, seeking out moments when life is exactly right and signs that even in the cold and the chaos, good things might happen. The guarantee of that isn't written in the stars. It's held tightly in your own hands, fuelled by your own will power.<br />
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Hope is a choice you can make.NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16662426.post-38162968161640814812019-11-24T06:51:00.001-05:002019-11-24T06:51:16.959-05:00To pay better attention, be a better mirror<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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Much of the <a href="https://www.nlpcanada.com/" target="_blank">NLP (neurolinguistic programming) </a>course I teach is about how we pay better attention to get better results. This is most important when your results include cooperation or influence. Whether you want to be a better parent or reach your next career goal, the way you pay attention will make the biggest difference to your success.<div>
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But what do we mean by paying attention? Our natural attention is fickle: it bounces quickly from what is in front of us to other situations (past and present) to what we want to make happen next. It's hard for us to stay present to what someone else is experiencing because our natural mode is to process what they are expressing in terms of what it might mean for us. This reinforces our beliefs and our current skills at the expense of growing to connect with new information and abilities. It also interferes with our ability to comfort, collaborate or lead.</div>
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We can't see attention, but we can see signs of it. In the picture above, you can see attention in the similarities in body posture. People who are standing or gesturing in similar ways or paying attention to each other. Because this is a still photo, we can't see who "started it" so we don't know who is paying attention and who is the subject of that attention.</div>
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In real life, we can use our words and bodies to deliberately echo or mirror what we want to keep our attention fixed on someone a little more consistently. This gives us time to learn how they are thinking and how they are different than we are. It gives them time to see or hear your reflection and maybe become aware of something they have been doing unconsciously. Mirroring is a win win.</div>
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To grow both your influence and your attention, start with what you can see and hear. Check on whether you are mirroring gestures or postures. Check on whether you are moving in sync with the other person. Check the sound of your voice (rhythm, tone, tempo) as it relates to the way the other person sounds. And, as you grow more competent, practice repeating back some of what you hear before you add to the conversation.</div>
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You don't have to worry about how you will process or interpret the information that is shared when you mirror. That will happen automatically: it's how your brain and mind work. You'll have lots of brain power left for actually listening when you start with simple mirroring. </div>
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It's amazing what you can learn when you're paying attention.</div>
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NLP Canada Traininghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03795519087236585296noreply@blogger.com0