Integrate!

I remember that I once liked colouring books or, at least, I remember enjoying colouring with the kids I was babysitting. There was something satisfying in choosing colours and playing with texture and pressure, often while having a conversation. Colouring inside the lines is often scorned, but the lines make it easy to relax into colour. My children had a different kind of childhood, and I remember only a few colouring books, mostly used as samples of how to draw superheros. My children learned to sketch early, and I encouraged them to take sketch books to picnics and parks and art galleries. They delighted in making the lines and sometimes even in filling them with colour. If someone else gives you the edges, you will probably bump into them. You will probably find that your colours move over the lines here and there. You will probably feel constrained. The problem may not be lines. It may be lines that don't provide you with the shape you need. Because when you make your o...

Have you ever grabbed a roll of tape and been unable to find the end?  You twirl the tape around and run your finger over the surface to find the edge that will allow you to actually unwind the tape you need. Nothing is as stuck as a roll of tape whose end is so tightly wound that it is almost impossible to find. Almost impossible. But you know there's an edge there and you know you need the tape. So even though the first time around it appeared to be seamless, you twirl it again. This time maybe you look with both your eyes and your fingertip.  In a hurry, you press too hard and you miss the difference that marks the edge.  You still know there must be an edge and you still need the tape. So you take another breath, slow down, work with a lighter touch.  When you find the edge, you tease it away from the rest of the tape. If you move too fast, the edge breaks. You know where it is, but you still can't make use of the tape that is right in front of you, the tape ...

There are miles of books on self-development shelves telling people how to improve themselves, overcome problems and generally become more perfect or more satisfied (or both). We really, really want to know the secret: that one thing that would make the difference and allow us to magically get what we want and then like it when we get it. Or do you? Do you want it enough to take a really simple action, over and over, that I guarantee will change how you feel and how you perform?  Yes. This is a dare. Here is the action. Whenever you become aware of not liking something about yourself or your performance, think of someone you actually know who has a quality you would like better.  Don't analyze; don't mimic; don't beg them for their secrets.  Just think about that one person and your actual interactions with her/him when s/he was demonstrating that quality. As you focus all your attention on that person who has the quality and can do that thing, be curious about all ...