Integrate!

I've recently had discussions with people who were worried that they could never be all of one piece, that choosing a different path meant that they would be permanently severed from their old selves. It's a worry that can keep all of us stuck from time to time. If I change, what will I lose? The answer is to stop thinking that you are your path. You can only walk one path at a time, but you can choose lots of different paths over time, learning and growing and exploring without losing any part of the self. The brain does not have to cut off old connections to make new ones. A new path doesn't make the old path bad or wrong. That's not to say that your new path might not be bumpy, or go through swamps or run into impossibly steep cliffs. One of the more difficult truths about human life is that we often grow strength and flexibility by confronting obstacles. Achievement is wonderful, but failure is a teacher who  often sticks with us until we get the point. The ...

Reflection is powerful when it is specific and directed at the future. People are often afraid to reflect on their experience because they confuse reflection with beating themselves up for what they did or didn't say or do. They're also afraid that recognizing what is good in the present will somehow stop them from making change. This is a reflex that keeps people stuck in old patterns. They may be thinking about the future, but they aren't building the bridge they need to get from here to there. The results are daydreams, wishes, and dissatisfaction without motivation. The group above is finishing up a process that began with connecting to their curiosity and energy and then moved through going deeply, vividly into their lived experience. They were reflecting not just when they were sitting and writing privately, but also when they were asking questions, remembering, and laughing together. The group experience drew them into a kind of reflection that is often ...

Someone told me at a conference recently that she was impressed by how self aware I was. And then, letting go of the point of the exercise (which was to give a compliment) she added, "almost too self-aware." I know what she meant. Being self aware can lead to too-much-information syndrome. The self is a complex entity: getting to know it is a task that consumes a lot of mental energy. Using what you know requires even more. It can seem that it would be easier to just take a shot in the dark and hope you were making the right choice. It often seems easier not to notice that the self of which we are not aware is already having an impact on the people around us. Being too self-aware is like being too alive: it means you can't hide from your interdependence with the world and it means you're going to get hurt. Sometimes you will be hurt because you will be aware of things in your life that you love and that other people threaten. Sometimes you will be hurt because  yo...

It all started with a marketing exercise on search terms that would lead someone to my website at www.nlpcanada.com . I dutifully made a list of the kinds of keywords Google suggests and realized that they didn't fit the way I write on the site and they didn't fit the way people talk when they first connect with me on the phone or at a program. So I made a list of what I think is really going on when people say, "I heard about NLP and I've been interested for a long time. . ." I’m stuck I want to know me better I wonder where (else) I fit I need my kids/partner/employees to understand my priorities  I have to learn more/better/faster I need to make adjustments I need to get it together Could I communicate more clearly? Could I get other people to do what I want them to do? How do I help other people without suffocating their independence? How do I teach people to “get it” faster? What do I really believe about success? What should ...

If I asked you if you like being lost, you would probably say no. Lost is one of those words with a built in set of feelings and "like" is not part of the set. If I asked you to tell me about a time you got lost, your story might tell me something different. It might tell me that you like to explore, that you enjoy being on your own and self-reliant, or that you are excited by new possibilities.  We would probably laugh, especially if the story was about a time when you were scared. Our fears often make us laugh, after they have passed. If I listened to your story about being lost, I'd have a very good idea of what it would be like to work with you through a new challenge. I'd know how likely you would be to cross edges, shake up patterns, or strategize through a situation with no clear paths.