Integrate!

ThinkSpot You'll notice right away that this is not a picture of frustration. It's a picture of the opposite of frustration: people are experiencing connection and growth with other people and with the garden that surrounds them. And yet, it's also a picture of how close we always are to frustration. Our topic at ThinkSpot was Dealing with Anxious People. When someone we love is anxious, we feel blocked at every turn. It's easy to feel that nothing will change and there's no way to move around the facts of anxiety. Everyone that came that afternoon knows that anxiety is a breeding ground for frustration. It was our third spring day at ThinkSpot and the forecast early in the week predicted clouds and rain. I laughed. "Our usual," I thought. But the sun came out and the afternoon was a gift. Things do change. The answer when you are frustrated is some form of what is happening in the picture above. Breathe. Move. Connect with kindness. An...

Sometimes I get calls from people who are hoping for a little magic to help them help someone else. The evidence on magic isn't very conclusive. While there are widespread stories of its effectiveness, most of the evidence comes down on the side of small, repeated changes in state and perception that gradually lead to a new way of thinking and feeling. "Can't you speed it up through trance? I saw someone cure a phobia on youtube and it only took a minute or two." And behind the protests, I think I hear the voice of doubt whispering "maybe you're not as good as the magic ones." In my experience, there's limited magic in showing up once. Magic happens when you are willing to show up for the time it takes for sustainable, reliable change to happen. I liked Change or Die very much because it lined up with my reading and my experience. Change happens sustainably when it is supported by three elements: Reframe, Relate, Repeat. If you like the...