Integrate!

This was the view from the training room window on Friday. A very large tree had come down in the park on Thursday night. All day, people stopped to examine the trunk and think about what had happened. Was it an accident?  It hadn't been chopped down, so it was clearly not something that had happened on purpose. But to call it an accident suggests that it couldn't have been helped. It also suggests that the rest of the trees are likely to remain standing. If on the other, hand, it was an infestation, then there is something that needs to happen now. Someone needs to check the rest of the trees. While it's possible that the first tree could fall by accident, if any more fall we will call it something else - something like incompetence or failure or fault. Sometimes, the label we choose tells us how to act next. If we choose the wrong label, it is likely to lead to the wrong action. Take a moment now to think about a problem or issue you have been facing....

I bet you've tried to talk about a problem with someone and come away more confused and unhappy than you started. It's happened to all of us. We know that other people's ideas hold some kind of key to finding what we need. Yet talking about our problems often leads to new problems. Here's a better way. Understand what kind of help you want and behave in ways that make it more likely you'll get it. Consider these three possibilities: Have a conversation to learn how someone else solved a similar problem. This means listening to their story and being curious about it. It doesn't mean leaping to conclusions or trying to apply it to your own situation before you've heard the whole story. Have a conversation to learn how someone was able to persist until they found a solution. This doesn't require that the problem they solved was like the problem you want to solve. Instead, as you listen to the story, ask questions about what was true in their attitu...

Have you ever tried to solve a tough problem by digging deeper and thinking harder? How did that work for you? Most people find that the deeper within they dig, the more complexity they uncover. They are emotionally engaged in contradictory ways. They want incompatible things. The evidence points in different directions. With every turn, the maze becomes less familiar. There's a better way. When you notice that digging is not helping you get clear on a decision, let go. Let your imagination carry you out of the maze so you can survey it from high, high above. Rising above a problem does not begin with taking the moral high road. It begins with moving to a perspective that is free, moving, and distant. Imagine trying to tell a seagull what to do. You can watch them on the beach. Even other seagulls have little success in being the boss of a seagull. Now imagine watching that gull take flight. What would it feel like to simply lift yourself away from the squabbles and bumps?...

I've been thinking about how to communicate value to people. Should I just be saying that if you come to one of my programs, you will get to think in really cool ways? It's true. I create experiences that open people up to new thoughts in a way that feels really good. But that doesn't tell people how I solve problems. I do show people that they can solve problems. And in thinking about the problems they solve or could solve or might want to solve, I've realized that every human day wakes up every morning with just two problems: How will I spend my time? How will I live with other people? These are the two non-negotiable conditions of human life for everyone regardless of location, experience, background, etc. etc. etc.  What will call life is continuous with what we call time: we cannot make more of it. Once we have used it, it is gone. How we spend our time is how we are spending our lives, and time moves regardless of whether we are intentional or ready or int...