Sales and expectations

As we wait for the first weekend when it truly feels like spring has arrived (promised for this weekend), it's a good time to think about how our expectations create filters for what we perceive. This isn't quite the same as arguing, as The Secret does, that we always get what we expect (the object of our attention). It's more like arguing that expectations create frames - like window frames - that determine some of what we see through them.

This weekend, we are running a training that goes from about 9 am to at least 6 pm on Saturday and on Sunday. Many people have a frame that says eight hours is a work day and nine hours is a long day. They also expect training to be draining - and a long training day to be especially draining. Some people only know that they have achieved something when it tires them out. Some people assume that training is related to the kind of physical work-out that really "burns." These people do not necessarily want to relax and rejuvenate: they want to feel the pain so that they can get the gain.

It is, of course, possible that a nine hour training day could feel like a nine hour cruise over quiet waters. It's possible that people can move forward without any sense of strain or discomfort. It's possible for progress to be as natural and effortless as the blooming of the buds on the trees as the sun becomes warm.

Is it possible for people who expect to be drained at the end of the day? Yes - once they are in the midst of the experience, their expectations may change. Expectations do change - even the adult brain is plastic, changing patterns and functions as a matter of course.

Is it possible for people who expect training to be draining to understand a promise that training will be refreshing? Probably not - until they have an experience that allows their expectations to be different, they cannot connect with challenges to those expectations. Given a cruise ship, they need to dive into the water and swim.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Yes" sets for building agreement and manipulation

I recently watched a video of a solution-focus therapist working with a client. The clip began with a number of questions and statements with which the client would agree.  In hypnosis and sales, it's known as a "yes set." If you're not familiar with the concept, it works roughly like Simon Says.  In that game, you get into a pattern of doing what "Simon says" so that you eventually do what the leader says even when s/he does not insert the magic words "Simon says." In the "yes set," you get used to saying yes until such a strong pattern of agreement exists that you agree with statements or instructions you might not otherwise give your agreement. The more times in a row you have said "yes," the greater the probability that you will say "yes" to the next statement. Yes sets can be seen in two ways. The first is that you are offering someone evidence that you are observing and accepting their experience. When every
Read more

The hypnotic contract

Under what conditions would you allow someone else to tell you what to think?   If you have watched a stage hypnotist, you have seen what looks like one person exercising remarkable control over the thoughts and actions of another. It is fascinating, in part, because we have all seen it happen in real life. Suddenly someone we know seems to be relying on someone else to do the thinking.  Even if the influence is good, it is a little frightening. The secret is that there are no magic words.  In order to lead someone into hypnosis, that person has to be willing to go there. Often the people you see on stage are more than willing. For whatever reasons, they are enthusiastic about giving up self control and allowing someone else to take charge. They know that there are limits to what can happen on stage and they are only agreeing to give up control within those limits. What you see in hypnosis is an agreement between two people. Like all agreements between human beings, it stretches as far
Read more

The fine line between observations, suggestions and commands

I have been watching Tony Robbins this week in the documentary called " I Am Not Your Guru ." You can read a nicely ambivalent review in the Financial Times here.   I think the ambivalence is built into the process, which might be surprising given the loud celebration that characterizes the Date with Destiny in the film. For those of us whose work has evolved from NLP, there are lessons to be learned from modelling the most famous and successful practitioner of NLP (Robbins has far surpassed all the founders by all measures of success). Because he does so much so well, Robbins lets us see how fine the line is between observing and suggesting. Let me explain. Robbins frames his "interventions" both with the exercises and performances we do not see in the film and with his invitations. The film opens with an intervention with a young man who says he is suicidal; it is only later that we see Robbins say he is looking for someone who is suicidal to work with. Since
Read more