Tuesday, July 14, 2009

It's not true that I like everybody

Occasionally, I meet people who are abrasive or argumentative or who ask too many questions with too little interest in the answers. Sometimes I meet people who let me know immediately that there is something about me that they don't like. Sometimes they have a long list of things about a situation that don't measure up to their standards. I might think (or say) "I'm really not liking this person."

It's not true that I like everybody. But I do end up liking everybody with soft eyes. And part of my quest as a trainer is to find the moment when other people's eyes will soften.

Soft eyes came up in recent training as a concept that meant looking at a person or a situation with a non-judgmental, open curiosity. It comes from the world of NLP that probably borrowed it from the world of Aikido.

It's true that looking with soft eyes lets you see people differently. It also lets other people see you differently. Soft eyes are the eyes of children who are wide awake in a world that has been good to them. Soft eyes are the eyes of positive expectancy - the eyes of hope and of trust.

People always want to know what NLP is and how I know it works. I know it works because it allows people to look with soft eyes. And people who are looking with soft eyes are really easy to like.

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