Thursday, December 03, 2009

Thinking about loving a goal

I am not a great believer in writing long lists of goals so that I can check them off as I achieve them or be pleasantly surprised when I retrieve a long-forgotten list. Actually, I am suspicious of wanting things for the sake of filling out lists or feeling productive.

It's not that I think it won't work; I am confident that searching for things to want will always result in a list of things that I could chase or do. In my mind's eye, I can write that list now, without even changing screens.

But. . . so what?

The most significant goals in my life didn't need to be written because they were always with me. I remember knowing by grade seven that I wanted to go to university on a scholarship. Knowing that shaped who I was, who I became, what I thought and what I did. I remember wanting to raise my sons to be smart and wise and loved (they are). I didn't have to write that on a list - I needed to be the mother who could do that every day (for twenty one years so far).

The goal I suspect is working with me now is one of becoming a published writer. I am not sure it is necessary or practical - except that thinking about it begins to feel like the right kind of dance. The relationship I have with the goal feels like those other relationships. It is a goal that is working with me now - not a goal that only works when it arrives in full bloom.

I wonder what goals you have that will hold you and challenge you and change you in a deep and interesting dance.

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