Thanksgiving is Family Time

Two experiences this week have me thinking about family. The first was the funeral for a close friend's father, attended by many people from our work community. The second was a party at my house, where young adults gathered to laugh and reminisce about being teenagers. My conclusion from these two very different events is this: our families are the people who show up.

We cannot always count on having warm and fuzzy feelings for our families. It's nice when that's the case, but the ups and downs of life make it almost inevitable that we will not always feel close to family. Family will not always support us in the ways we would like to be supported. Family do not always even share our values and hopes. Here's what family always does: it shows up.

When you think back through your own life at key events, you begin to notice the people who simply are there. Not so much there when you need them as more simply there where you are. They may inspire you and they may infuriate you, but they show up. They show up physically, and they show up in your own expressions and memories and characteristic turns of phrase. Family are people who show up.

And after awhile, the people who show up are family. They may not be linked by blood or marriage and they might not even be the people you love best or like most or find most interesting. But event after event, year in and year out, they show up. And they become family.

You can't pick your family. They just show up.

You can pick your friends. If they show up often enough, they become family - no longer required to be interesting or right - just present with you through the ups and the downs.

Family shows up.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Yes" sets for building agreement and manipulation

I recently watched a video of a solution-focus therapist working with a client. The clip began with a number of questions and statements with which the client would agree.  In hypnosis and sales, it's known as a "yes set." If you're not familiar with the concept, it works roughly like Simon Says.  In that game, you get into a pattern of doing what "Simon says" so that you eventually do what the leader says even when s/he does not insert the magic words "Simon says." In the "yes set," you get used to saying yes until such a strong pattern of agreement exists that you agree with statements or instructions you might not otherwise give your agreement. The more times in a row you have said "yes," the greater the probability that you will say "yes" to the next statement. Yes sets can be seen in two ways. The first is that you are offering someone evidence that you are observing and accepting their experience. When every
Read more

The hypnotic contract

Under what conditions would you allow someone else to tell you what to think?   If you have watched a stage hypnotist, you have seen what looks like one person exercising remarkable control over the thoughts and actions of another. It is fascinating, in part, because we have all seen it happen in real life. Suddenly someone we know seems to be relying on someone else to do the thinking.  Even if the influence is good, it is a little frightening. The secret is that there are no magic words.  In order to lead someone into hypnosis, that person has to be willing to go there. Often the people you see on stage are more than willing. For whatever reasons, they are enthusiastic about giving up self control and allowing someone else to take charge. They know that there are limits to what can happen on stage and they are only agreeing to give up control within those limits. What you see in hypnosis is an agreement between two people. Like all agreements between human beings, it stretches as far
Read more

The fine line between observations, suggestions and commands

I have been watching Tony Robbins this week in the documentary called " I Am Not Your Guru ." You can read a nicely ambivalent review in the Financial Times here.   I think the ambivalence is built into the process, which might be surprising given the loud celebration that characterizes the Date with Destiny in the film. For those of us whose work has evolved from NLP, there are lessons to be learned from modelling the most famous and successful practitioner of NLP (Robbins has far surpassed all the founders by all measures of success). Because he does so much so well, Robbins lets us see how fine the line is between observing and suggesting. Let me explain. Robbins frames his "interventions" both with the exercises and performances we do not see in the film and with his invitations. The film opens with an intervention with a young man who says he is suicidal; it is only later that we see Robbins say he is looking for someone who is suicidal to work with. Since
Read more