Friday, March 28, 2014

NLP when it is time for tears

This is Kylemore Patience. We called her Kylie. She joined our family just after Christmas in 2001 and she left us on Wednesday. She left gently and with grace, patient as her breathing grew more and more difficult.

She waited until my husband and I were both at home and then she let go.

This is a time for tears. She was just a sweet little dog who couldn't do much of anything anymore except let us know that she valued our attention. Every plan we made, every day, we thought about her and worked around her, and tried to keep her safe and well.

What difference does NLP make when it is time for tears? There is no affirmation or visualization that protects us from the day when someone we love leaves us. It doesn't happen because we are sloppy or negative. NLP does not allow anyone to outsmart life. Life still happens and tears still happen.

NLP helps. It helped me know on the weekend that it was okay for her to steal the giant bone (to which she was probably allergic) and really enjoy it for a few minutes. It helped me know what was happening as she neared the end and stay clear about what I wanted for her and for us as we said goodbye. It helped me have presence of mind as Kylie died and after, to think about what other people needed and to check in with what I needed too.

It helps me understand the effects of grief on my state and my thinking and know when I need to have someone check my work or back me up because my head isn't as clear as I would like it to be. It helps me to accept that every major shift begins with a period of integration and disorientation.

So I am a little lost today and yet I am also able to do what needs to be done to honour my work and commitments and to know that possibilities are unfolding now to be ready for me when I am ready to look up and look for them. I look at the places she was curled up last week and half hear her bark and know that these are patterns that are interrupted and until new patterns form, the edges will hurt.

I know, too, that every death reminds us of hard truths and that NLP is one way to heighten awareness and appreciation. Because all of our days are numbered and making the most of them changes us and lets us change the world, at least a little.

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