Sunday, July 16, 2017

When you want to connect, your words have to ride your energy

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Here's the magic formula for effective communication: knowing what you want + paying attention to other people = words that work. 

I know this seems too hard. I know you are tempted by the people who teach another script, another voice lesson, another theory of body language that will supercharge your communication. I know that it seems easier to work on your words than it does to work on being so clear about the results you want that you are able to dedicate most of your attention to the people you want to influence.

Attention is harder to manage and maintain than a script. But scripts don't work well without it. Your attention is signalled by energy: people notice when you're directing energy at them. They pay attention to it. And when they do, your words can ride that energy and land deeply and effectively.

But if you expect the words to do all the work, they will work only when the listener is providing the energy to carry them. And it's risky to expect the people you want to influence to do most of the work in the communication. If there's something they want enough, they'll do it, but they'll be doing it to get what they want (not necessarily what you want).

To get what you want, you need to know what you want. And then you need to direct energy at the people you need to influence to make what you want happen.


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