Stuck? Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

We have two illusions about solving problems.

The first illusion is that smart people think best when they are alone. We imagine people hunched over computers or pacing in front of whiteboards until they have an AHA moment  and solve the problem using their solitary genius.

The other illusion is that we only learn from experts.  We expect therapists to help us with emotional problems and subject matter experts to help us with everything else. After years of conditioning in schools, we think that the people who make us smarter are people who know more than we do.

The result of these illusions is often that we stay stuck for much longer than is necessary. We wait for access to an expert. We beat ourselves up for not being smart enough or competent enough or confident enough to think it through all alone. But it's all based on a faulty premise: we believe that smart people think best on their own.

Take a closer look at what really smart people are doing. They are hanging out with other smart people. They're not trying to think it all the way through by themselves. They are looking for perspectives that check their blindspots or open up new possibilities. Smart business look for diversity because it checks more blindspots. They're not trying to find the most expert thinkers; they're looking for conversations that offer new thinking to complement their own expertise.


When you're stuck, you probably don't need an expert. You need a fresh point of view or a piece of information that's lurking in your blind spot. Both of those could be found by engaging with anyone; with a friend, a child, a person you meet in a coffee shop. Anyone who is willing to engage with you offers difference. And as we say in neurolinguistic programming (NLP), difference is the difference that makes a difference.

Stop waiting for an expert. Connect, engage and then reflect. You'll find you're moving before you know it.

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