The one choice you can always make

What do you get to choose?

It's too easy to say that you cannot choose what happens to you, but you can choose how you respond. That turns choice into a consolation prize. We think we "have to" choose instead of we "can choose!"

We get to choose our actions and reactions without being fully aware of how they will make change in the world. That sounds dangerous, and it is. But it is also the seed of optimism. No matter what happens to us and around us, there are choices we can make. 

Identifying the choices that you have the ability and resources to make pushes you to be more self-aware: more aware of the feelings, perceptions, biases, memories and hopes that combine to keep  you moving. Self-awareness is fundamental to both feeling better and having better influence on others. When life knocks you down, you look up and say "so what can I do next?" You can change your mind, your communication, your actions. You can begin with an impulse or an inventory.

The impulse feels better: it's the result of pattern-recognition in your brain. When this happens, respond this way. It's fast. There is no long inner discussion. You move and then you feel more capable of movement. 

If we don't have an impulse, or don't trust it, we need to make a deliberate choice. That always feels hard because our brains like to conserve energy by doing what we've always done. But hard does not mean bad. Hard means opening up a new possibility. 

At the heart of every choice is a single choice: do I wait or do I make change happen? And that choice is always available. You might not be able to change your circumstances directly. You might have to start with making choices about your own values and feelings and responses. But if you can imagine even one person on the planet being in your circumstances and handling them differently (not better, just differently), then you have admitted there is a choice.

The world is unpredictable, so you don't always know what the consequences of your choices will be (even if that choice is to not make a choice). So your choice will often be this: "Would I rather live in a world where I can value even the small choices I can make in me or would I rather be stuck in a world where nothing I can do will make a difference?" 

We spin when we look outside to ask "what choice do I have?" We gain traction when we look inside and ask instead "what strengths or values can I uncover in myself that will be useful now?"